"The teacher, if indeed wise, does not bid you to enter the house of their wisdom, but leads you to the threshold of your own mind." — Kahlil Gibran

One of the best ways to lead your teen to know their own mind is to ask great questions. They may wonder what in the world is going on when you begin asking questions, instead of pointing out what they are doing wrong, but they'll get the hang of it. Here are a few for starters.

  • What are you thinking right now?
  • What are you feeling right now?
  • What are you learning from your feelings?
  • What did you learn from answering that question?
  • What do you feel are your greatest attributes?
  • What have you done today that you would like to acknowledge?
  • What do you think we should do?
  • What do you think you should do?
  • In what ways could I be most helpful to you right now?
  • How do you think you'll feel if you do that?
  • What will likely happen if you do that? Are those the results you want?
  • Who else will benefit if you do that?
  • What other ways could we solve this problem?
  • What do you think is the best way to handle this?
  • What are your resources for doing that?
  • What is hard for you right now?
  • What are you making that mean?

People are willing to do 10 times more than we could ever tell them to do when they are motivated and empowered to work from their own ideas and their own internal commitment.

About the Author:
Beth Hillman
Beth Hillman

Parent Program Director, Board Member

Beth Hillman is a mother of five, an Arbinger Facilitator...

Beth Hillman is a mother of five, an Arbinger Facilitator and a Parent Coach, whose life’s work is to guide parents to a better way and...

Utah Department of Human Services
Utah State Board of Education
California Department of Education
Post Adoption Service
Greenwood Associates